Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
