these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
