my vag is so smooth its legendary
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
