PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
