dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
