In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
