totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
