Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
