There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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