True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
pray to the hookup gods
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm having to shit out rocks
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
