i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize