I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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