I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
