how can u be prego again
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize