i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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