any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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