If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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