remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
