Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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