she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My vagina just recognized that song.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
