oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
