You smell like stripper and shame
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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