Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
