That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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