i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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