so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
