Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
