somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Randomize
