He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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