We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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