I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
