I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I think your dad took our porno
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize