The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
