everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
