NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
