Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
