I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
