so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
