Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
