If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
