Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
