I need to stop coming to work sober
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
