so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
