Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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