If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
