I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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