I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
