Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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