Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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