This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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