I feel great
I just peed on a car
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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