you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize