I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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