I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Randomize
