1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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