so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
