my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
