you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
