i permit you to call me
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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