i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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