Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
