stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
