What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
