ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
