Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
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