This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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