nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
