Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
