My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
