I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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