You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
