Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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