My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
