Three words: puerto rican gang bang
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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