I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
