Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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