Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
