You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize