Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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