Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
