Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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