i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
