If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
