what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
