On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i used baking grease as lip gloss
well most of my day revolves around power hour
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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