you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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