I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
