Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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