on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I wear drunk well.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize