When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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