I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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